Archive for sin

Softly Possessed by Love

Posted in Elliana Trinity, jt, monolog, Uncategorized, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2013 by norcaliluv

I am in the storm and they fall to me like Noah’s flood inside and out. The tears produced in my life pressed by righteous indignation then by murder then death pressed inward. I had believed a lie, so long I tuned to cowards and frauds to show me the way. Those possessed of anything but love. Love that makes no condition? Ok, ok not perfect right..? Sooo many of them, you pack of donkeys!? Back on task…. The tears flow like now when these wicked things are pressed through my feeble understanding and I fight to win and then to lose, and it hurts. My heart pounds with the rage of a thousand warriors, then with the Love of Christ. This raw and pure thing brought before professors of information has yielded  upon my heart many scars. Often, as it is now my heart threatens and nags. Declaring a resignation is imminent. But knowing, that KNOWING is of central ‘matrix’ level importance, I embrace it without vengeance. For any man to be at odds with another is the philosophy of halflings and unconscious giants. I have no enemies I only refuse to be dominated by blind men and only blind men think they need to butt in and dominate in the affairs of others. I already confessed believed a lie and now as always share some level of blindness. Just not blind enough to try to control your situation declaring how I see better than you, act better than you, moralize your situation as the “leaders” of Christs time assessing by whose sin was hung the mans infirmity. I pray that I would lay down my life if you asked and I cannot allow victims be made in my presence. Then I will not butt into your sorrows as if you would be cool if you saw it like me. For me I am indomitable and this “lack of drive” you thought me possessed of……. Maybe bad things would have happened if I was as focused as I am now had I not begun in sincerity this quelling of the inner passions. Now I thinly smile and my body is racked with pain. My joints like rust fused steel. My head finds some small peace in hope filled reggae tunes. My soul aching from retching out wickedness and hate unlike Christ who was filled with sorrow for His betrayer. I see that unlike wheat we must submit to be crushed. So submit to your personal delusions they may be crushing out a healing perfume from within. Maybe you are only tending the seed for this strong tree destined to shade the weary and having deep roots a life of adversity and the fullest earthly compassion my Creator has my breath at His disposal in the protection of those weaker than I. The children will climb on these branches of my heart and if God so chooses to sustain me here as they grow. They can climb back in no matter age nor position and find shelter and only guidance requested. Am I delusional and self-possessed? I have been under the gun, on the run and in parole hearings near since birth I myself not unnaturally possessed of any truly violent or manipulative patterns or behaviors. I ( a very soft, loving and warm soul) have been by been pressed on all sides by Gods providence and though being pressed the mystery takes me higher. To all the haters and most especially mine, hate on, that the fire of injustice can burn away my injustice, my passion run wild and all delusion and imperfection. You know in the end my friends and you are all thus, we will equally understand. Then understanding we will weep. Then weeping we will laugh. Every morsel of the tiniest bit of separation must be removed. No God that I know or serve can in any way be petty enough to save Ben then send Ven to hell for not for not spelling it right. Somehow through mens lack of consciousness he forgot that the traditions sprang from a powerful mystical encounter and could on no way be twisted into a cage in which bind tender and humble souls. (As the arrogant ones have done here to the humble and beautiful native cultures in Northern California.) It is only lack of understanding that causes so many divisions and our enemy ancient and wise delights in leveraging illusion and misunderstanding to divide Gods perfect creation. So now ragged and weak I try and rest…. Softly and I pray irreversibly possessed by love.

jt

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Wake from the Nightmare

Posted in jt, Uncategorized, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2013 by norcaliluv

Friends,

FEAR NOT
In my life I have found that ANY so-called “knowledge” that inspires fear is flawed and should be discarded. Fear can be healthy only as applies when one is ignorant of something. All true knowledge should empower and if that knowledge in some way criticizes, it happens within. So if you are taught to fear I humbly suggest looking for knowledge where there is peace and not anxiety..

blessings to you all.
jt

 

this is great!!!

 

http://www.danoah.com/2013/04/the-disease-called-perfection.html

Intro to truth

Posted in jt, monolog, Saint grandma, Uncategorized, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2013 by norcaliluv

KNOWING

I am looking back through the fog of rejection and judgment that we collectively call childhood. Even now with my eyes I look and though hard of hearing I hear enough to know that the words on your lips are empty. You ever encourage me give in to your hypocrisy by “getting over it.” And the sign of this is that I would begin to chase paper and act as though I have God, knowing nothing of Him. You are all instructors that know how to analyze the character of others. JT, please don’t express these things that make us uncomfortable, my my you are so angry….. Please Jason stop talking. Ok I will. But I will also no more listen to your cheap claims of wisdom. Men who fear the opinions of men, may your fake words fall to the ground. I draw breath here hoping for what is to come NOT your foolishness and not your idea of success. You truly own no wisdom. You are spouter’s of cliché, and slogan totters. I have only ever from a tender young age desired blessing for those around me yet in this world I spent much of my youth incarcerated or in some program to “fix” me. Never protected and ever accused. Now I am supposed to tolerate all men having endured only judgment and rejection in this oasis of hypocrisy. You first accuse me, well so do I. Sharing none of your weakness clinging to cowardice and avoidance. One man go and kill a bunch of precious children and your first concern is where he got the gun. You fools! WE are fully guilty, expecting the divine soul of man to endure such wickedness and injustice. When I was young (too young) you taught me deception and lewdness then accused me of breeding these things out of my own young heart. Both sides of my family growing up despised my presence. They are of course concerned like most, that they would not be shown to have any guilt in a given situation. Don’t know what I am talking about? Everyone shrugs as to say that I am blind, stubborn and unrepentant. Why? Cuz I don’t enjoy bullshit pie. Y’all are so thin in character. Over time I feel myself losing love, wonder and joy. As most of my life I have primarily been acutely explosive in response to your accusation, getting over things pretty fast. Now I have struggled many years of over and under doing this self-accusation thing. Seeing you know nothing of my soul or even yours I have a glowing coal of murder and hate under the surface. Truly, messing with a soul as mine now would be quite foolish.

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“It is not the violence that sets a man apart…. All right it is  the distance he is prepared to go..”
Forest Bondaraunt “Lawless”

 

Seeing the cheapness of the world I have no humor for your arrogance and intimidation. I promise one thing here. I’m done; and though killing be far from my desire, it is a breaths distance from any seeking my harm. Hell 90% of gangstas are more like mouthy two year olds with guns. With many legal excuses have you bound my young soul. If I were to make it a seminar my tee shirt would read unloved, unforgiven and unworthy. I long for the revelation of my sin and yours. Your mask of false virtue will fade when you long most to hold it tight. Nothing we can devise will deceive Him who sees all. Being not the Judge I have no desire to hold you accountable. You cause me fresh wounds and in the same breath instead of your repentance my acceptance of your lies and falsities is demanded of me. Even now I sit alone because I don’t tickle your egos with submission to your delusion. You can sit there and smirk cuz the light of heaven will show what truly is. I know not one soul willing travel where I go. I would like to say here that I have no desire to lead or teach men, only that you keep your emptiness to yourself. Though weak and at times in need of your benevolence, I can scarcely endure your self-proclaimed wisdom anymore. I do not know where I will go but you can be sure that I am not coming back to you. I cannot asses my own strengths and weaknesses but by the Grace of God I will not be reconquered by the world.

Here is my case; in whatever form I may choose. Poems, parables, critiques and works of fiction. Painting and sketching the truth alone, if you doubt don’t waste your time, go ahead and fuck off. The author has no need of any readership, I write to heal needing no hypocrites rebuttal. I hope now for strength from God to focus now and leave behind the life of proud liars. For I am guilty as the rest. I can endure no more this dance of delusion. I know not which label will be pasted again over my true image but your self-absorbed opinions carry no weight with me. I use wit and philosophy and I create no legal document, for no man really holds the facts. Awe go ahead! Unleash your plastic criticism and judge my sin filled soul. I am free and only by grace alone is any good thing givin unto me.

JT

How far will I go friends?

How far will I go friends?

How many faces, for the undivided soul?

Posted in jt, monolog, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2013 by norcaliluv

   Lord have mercyI am one full of love, as God intended……. But

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAInside this outlaw will walk free to da end, stay in repentance to the last day..

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThen often standing at the edge I rage with horns and burning eye. I desire love but only God can free from violence inside.

Violence is easy. I have seen it committed with all the seriousness of jumping into cold water. Grown men fascinated, bound by childish curiosity and  many fears.  I wanna break these horns and find new ears deaf to all hate…. I’d rather be  just a plain ol sufferer, but I’m not.

A tired and wounded lion lives here,  just waiting for peace and release….

Miles of error and gallons of tears, have made this outlaw desire some rest. It’s from this position here seems the Divine hears me best.

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Pray my freedom! Love is the only way!

 jt

Dear Friends,

    If you have room for knowledge then know there is but one Judge and still only one accuser mentioned to the followers of Christ. If you be  a mortal man, how then do you the work of satan every moment of the day?! For you accuse with every breath your fellow man and as a man bent on his own destruction I follow, sometimes lead down this path. How and by what means, O foolish man did you see into the heart of another?  Having so little knowledge of your own? Who calibrated the scale of justice you use? A BLIND man! The Lord Almighty is mans only true judge. Keep your facts and your evidence, they can only mock one as sinful  as I. That “rightness” you claim with your mouth has yet to be seen.  Me I am wrong, try and wait patiently for true knowledge revealed in truth and inside. Lawless I’m free your imaginary virtue these hard days wont endure. America is around 2 bills old…….. Christianity was punishable by death with varying intensity for the first 300 years of its existence. Outlaw I’m the Anti-G, my life is to give and not take… May God awaken Truth is our hearts fellow travelers. Blessings on this truly uphill battle.

jt

Freedom: Handle with care….

Posted in jt with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2013 by norcaliluv

I am coming to see a little more how precious, fragile and personal is the human soul. I watch, eyes filled with hot tears as we heap injustice and control on the little ones. We control and assault them with our inadequacies and hypocrisies. Respect, question not and obey!Lord have mercy. I am an Orthodox Christian (while a very poor one forgive me) and so I know of form, order, rule and tradition. I look there and I find NOTHING that binds. Except my friend only that we bind one another with wicked, cheap,  hypocritical opinions and judgment. Please I beg you….. We have NO place to label the little ones good and bad. Have mercy my friend, for their teachers are full of folly and wickedness and in no wise belong in these positions.  Let us repent and believe in the little ones, they are far more able to see  and learn from God then us tired and prideful fakes. I don’t mean in this to attack at all for we all fail, or our world would not reflect such wickedness and suffering. Only consider how we heap complex evils on them (deviance and the like)  Then say the child owns some guilt like the guilt we grown seasoned sinners carry every day. Impossible and unjust! Lord have mercy on us and give us the strength to confess our wickedness. That it maybe removed forever from memory. That we could grow once again towards You.

Believe in the goodness of His creation!!
Believe in the the little ones.
JT

The Sun Wakes One..

Posted in jt with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2012 by norcaliluv

The sun wakes one,

But is unable to warm the bones with-in.

While masses consume food and warmth by the ton.

Tomorrow will find others still frail and thin.

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With an animosity that refuses to tire ….

Loneliness, despair and hunger attack.

Just as a coal separated from the fire,

The soul alone turns cold and black.

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All men fall down,

But only some are left behind

Is there guilt in that “some”

To justify men’s judgment unkind?

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Cast down your gaze…

See the world the humble see.

It will truly amaze,

To deny oneself, makes ones soul soar free.

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I have sat alone in suffering.

My heart been filled with self-pity and revenge.

Step by painful step I get closer to the ring.

Thankful for life, the light of new days no longer makes me cringe.

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Courage and blessing to those who struggle alone…

Them

Posted in jt with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 12, 2012 by norcaliluv

Set them alone and be lonely with them.

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Take away their toys and be bored with them.

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Don’t forget to spank them, remember also to cry with them.

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If you are much prone to talking, it is right then if you listen to them.

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Love never abandons the guilty one, it ever stays and suffers with them.

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They will fail and they will fall. May we never cease to have mercy on them.

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I wish that I could remember, and never fail to see….

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It’s all about them and not about me

~

Of all the sin that we commit… We should fear most, our injustice towards the little ones.  When we condition them for injustice and demand for them to ignore our hypocrisies we alienate them from the Divine. We gladly build for them a great wall of skepticism and resentment. We all do carry the weight of guilt and we can turn to Him without fear. May God have mercy on us, and heal our children. May we be ever more vigilant to be just, kind, humble, and merciful.

convince and control no DEMONSTRATE AND INSPIRE…

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