Cowardly Me?

The only cowards that I see, are men presumptuous enough to label other men cowards. A crime I observe and commit enough to see it’s horrible effects. Stop it! ALL of creation is good. Yet I still fight….? I too fight an illusion. I am no teacher to sermonize from on high. I wear my singlet and report to the mat of life. I wrestle the unknown and he pins me again and again. Paul Trout a world class chef, my friend and at one time my sons wrestling coach, presented this concept to the young men.. The sport of wrestling is one that requires a certain amount of character in which you can bravely confront your fears. Therefore, whether they win them all or lose them all, the boys that step out onto that mat till the end are worthy of recognition. So pin me. I fear not the weak judgment of other men. As a child I trust that there is too much out there for me to know. No one is completely right…. But if you look and see the fruit of peace, this tree has strong immovable and ancient roots. Draw from that one and cease drawing “wisdom” from men bent on violence. One who understands really can have no hatred or aggression as you and I. If we close our eye and ears to the deeds of others our true vision can regain its focus.

 

jt

Intro to truth

KNOWING

I am looking back through the fog of rejection and judgment that we collectively call childhood. Even now with my eyes I look and though hard of hearing I hear enough to know that the words on your lips are empty. You ever encourage me give in to your hypocrisy by “getting over it.” And the sign of this is that I would begin to chase paper and act as though I have God, knowing nothing of Him. You are all instructors that know how to analyze the character of others. JT, please don’t express these things that make us uncomfortable, my my you are so angry….. Please Jason stop talking. Ok I will. But I will also no more listen to your cheap claims of wisdom. Men who fear the opinions of men, may your fake words fall to the ground. I draw breath here hoping for what is to come NOT your foolishness and not your idea of success. You truly own no wisdom. You are spouter’s of cliché, and slogan totters. I have only ever from a tender young age desired blessing for those around me yet in this world I spent much of my youth incarcerated or in some program to “fix” me. Never protected and ever accused. Now I am supposed to tolerate all men having endured only judgment and rejection in this oasis of hypocrisy. You first accuse me, well so do I. Sharing none of your weakness clinging to cowardice and avoidance. One man go and kill a bunch of precious children and your first concern is where he got the gun. You fools! WE are fully guilty, expecting the divine soul of man to endure such wickedness and injustice. When I was young (too young) you taught me deception and lewdness then accused me of breeding these things out of my own young heart. Both sides of my family growing up despised my presence. They are of course concerned like most, that they would not be shown to have any guilt in a given situation. Don’t know what I am talking about? Everyone shrugs as to say that I am blind, stubborn and unrepentant. Why? Cuz I don’t enjoy bullshit pie. Y’all are so thin in character. Over time I feel myself losing love, wonder and joy. As most of my life I have primarily been acutely explosive in response to your accusation, getting over things pretty fast. Now I have struggled many years of over and under doing this self-accusation thing. Seeing you know nothing of my soul or even yours I have a glowing coal of murder and hate under the surface. Truly, messing with a soul as mine now would be quite foolish.

“It is not the violence that sets a man apart…. All right it is  the distance he is prepared to go..”
Forest Bondaraunt “Lawless”

 

Seeing the cheapness of the world I have no humor for your arrogance and intimidation. I promise one thing here. I’m done; and though killing be far from my desire, it is a breaths distance from any seeking my harm. Hell 90% of gangstas are more like mouthy two year olds with guns. With many legal excuses have you bound my young soul. If I were to make it a seminar my tee shirt would read unloved, unforgiven and unworthy. I long for the revelation of my sin and yours. Your mask of false virtue will fade when you long most to hold it tight. Nothing we can devise will deceive Him who sees all. Being not the Judge I have no desire to hold you accountable. You cause me fresh wounds and in the same breath instead of your repentance my acceptance of your lies and falsities is demanded of me. Even now I sit alone because I don’t tickle your egos with submission to your delusion. You can sit there and smirk cuz the light of heaven will show what truly is. I know not one soul willing travel where I go. I would like to say here that I have no desire to lead or teach men, only that you keep your emptiness to yourself. Though weak and at times in need of your benevolence, I can scarcely endure your self-proclaimed wisdom anymore. I do not know where I will go but you can be sure that I am not coming back to you. I cannot asses my own strengths and weaknesses but by the Grace of God I will not be reconquered by the world.

Here is my case; in whatever form I may choose. Poems, parables, critiques and works of fiction. Painting and sketching the truth alone, if you doubt don’t waste your time, go ahead and fuck off. The author has no need of any readership, I write to heal needing no hypocrites rebuttal. I hope now for strength from God to focus now and leave behind the life of proud liars. For I am guilty as the rest. I can endure no more this dance of delusion. I know not which label will be pasted again over my true image but your self-absorbed opinions carry no weight with me. I use wit and philosophy and I create no legal document, for no man really holds the facts. Awe go ahead! Unleash your plastic criticism and judge my sin filled soul. I am free and only by grace alone is any good thing givin unto me.

JT

How far will I go friends?

How many faces, for the undivided soul?

   I am one full of love, as God intended……. But

Inside this outlaw will walk free to da end, stay in repentance to the last day..

Then often standing at the edge I rage with horns and burning eye. I desire love but only God can free from violence inside.

Violence is easy. I have seen it committed with all the seriousness of jumping into cold water. Grown men fascinated, bound by childish curiosity and  many fears.  I wanna break these horns and find new ears deaf to all hate…. I’d rather be  just a plain ol sufferer, but I’m not.

A tired and wounded lion lives here,  just waiting for peace and release….

Miles of error and gallons of tears, have made this outlaw desire some rest. It’s from this position here seems the Divine hears me best.

Pray my freedom! Love is the only way!

 jt

Dear Friends,

    If you have room for knowledge then know there is but one Judge and still only one accuser mentioned to the followers of Christ. If you be  a mortal man, how then do you the work of satan every moment of the day?! For you accuse with every breath your fellow man and as a man bent on his own destruction I follow, sometimes lead down this path. How and by what means, O foolish man did you see into the heart of another?  Having so little knowledge of your own? Who calibrated the scale of justice you use? A BLIND man! The Lord Almighty is mans only true judge. Keep your facts and your evidence, they can only mock one as sinful  as I. That “rightness” you claim with your mouth has yet to be seen.  Me I am wrong, try and wait patiently for true knowledge revealed in truth and inside. Lawless I’m free your imaginary virtue these hard days wont endure. America is around 2 bills old…….. Christianity was punishable by death with varying intensity for the first 300 years of its existence. Outlaw I’m the Anti-G, my life is to give and not take… May God awaken Truth is our hearts fellow travelers. Blessings on this truly uphill battle.

jt