Archive for family


Posted in Elliana Trinity, jt, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2013 by norcaliluv

She sings for me,

Like summer rains on a dry land.

She smiles at me,

And takes my heart in her hand.


I see light, I see love

I see the Truth in her eyes

I saw hope, when I saw you

Every moment till we said goodbye.


She sings to me

To say it’s been so sad

She redeems in me

Every things they called “bad”


I see light, I see love

In revolution coloured eyes

I felt time,  prayed for calm

On sweetest forgiveness I relies.




My Dearest Elliana,

My words are powerless to express the brilliance of the flame you command in my heart. That any reader may know the words above born on no cheap sentiment.  Rather true treasure born across the darkest and most barren sea never sailed….. For one fell and leaving such beauty for an unjust and painful eternity. Seeing clearly; as it should, clarifies and resolves firstly, personal guilt. I therefore bearing no lack of culpability, sentence myself to life without parole. To be by your side baby, every moment that you wish and need until there is no life in me. It kills me to see you confused with regard to your self-worth my love. The whole  world comes to life when I look at you! I rely; as life requires water I depend on your sweet forgiveness and mercy.  It was such a sweet suffering to see you! Sweet because to me you are every good and beautiful expression of the Divine. Then painful to think how lonely you have been and so so brave against all odds. Yet I hope you soon forget our separation Elliana.  I on the other hand must NEVER forget it, having nothing of good in this life were I to fail you at love… You will be here soon..!



100% Real = 100% Alone

Posted in jt with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2013 by norcaliluv

I have always been a man of the heart, struggling first and almost completely for the truth alone. I have ever been willing to admit my wrongs and suffer whatever consequences they carry. Yet I have more love for a stranger than ANY one of my so called family has for me. Since about age 13 I’ve been ready to leave this delusion you all call society. I have studied and struggled for years and beyond the education and experience of those “above” me. Now my little girl is kept from me? This world will recognize the intense love in my heart and at the very least leave me alone. Or it will have to destroy me. I am ready to show the people of the world that love exists in my heart, REAL LOVE full and unconditional. But how can I go show this to the world and leave my flesh and blood in the hands of hypocrites?? Not possible. Those who would get in my way will be introduced to all of lifes answers….. I am JT alone in the world but for my flesh and blood; Elliana Trinity Saldana, and I will not be separated from her. Soon I will write down all the details of my situation but for now know that my struggle is before you fully honest and righteous. I am a soulja ready to die yesterday and over my dead body is the only way she will be raised by these punks.

Keep it real or shut up
Don’t seem to be, just be…..


Lord… When were you imprisoned and I didn’t visit you?

Posted in jt, monolog, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2013 by norcaliluv

I was excited today to launch a FB page for a close friend who is paying a toll to the injustice system. So many times we forget our suffering fellows and it is hard with all the distractions to remember those separate from us and how they suffer. The page is meant to make if easy for all those who would not for what ever reason take the time to sit down and write to him. How much time do we spend in front of this thing??? Do this! For your friend or family member kept away from you. Let them know that they are loved and maybe when they get home we can keep them. Divine, powerful, intentional yet unconditional love is the ONLY way we will have healing. Young people; you need no title or recognition. Do what I know is in your hearts and heal, love and minister to one another. Your elders are become cold in heart and blindly critical. Don’t you dare grow up! For it is Christ Himself who has said. “Unless you become like a child you cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Not childish but innocent and always willing and eager to learn new things. Don’t get right get love.


Search FB for A student and Novice I post there things not posted here….

Why do I love her so..?

Posted in jt, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , on April 1, 2010 by norcaliluv

   I sometimes sit and wonder why I love her so much. She has made no commitment to me, nor has she fully opened her heart to me. I don’t even think she knows me. (as I wish to be known)…. She is the honest soul with which I want to bond yet can live without. Sexy as she may be, when I see her I am jealous for her attention and not her body. I feel at peace with her, quiet and secure. But this strange love has never borne fruit. With the exception of one moment of a spontaneous lusty advance, when I am with her, her soul alone is my focus. She respects my knowledge and loves my writing. Though I long to have her always by my side, sharing each moment. She is hardly around to share her moments with me. They are shared with others most of the time. I want to understand, I want to share my life. Even though we have never had a romantic relationship. I still love her deeply and am not hurt by her “rejection”. Inside I smile knowing that my love is here. I fail on many levels every second of the day, but the one who would love me will find that my love is to die for. I only hope that my dear friend finds what it is she is looking for….. She has not really laid this out clearly. I want to see her happy and smiling everyday, refusing to let the end of her life find her unfulfilled. My dearest friend, I cannot fully understand why I love you so much. Just know that I do. Go find him. Find him and love him like your favorite sin. You must trust and you must move forward. You watched as one you love didn’t have the strength, to make their ending different. You still have today. I will be by your side or cheering in the back somewhere. I will fail you also, as will the man you choose to love. It is the human condition. I will hopefully have the strength to help the hurting around me. I want to love and to cry. To sit with and smile at the lonely. I hope that the things I write bring comfort, education, and hope. And I hope I inspire you to love again, my dearest friend Marie….

Come and soak the wounds of this life

In the oil of my understanding, friend.

May at least my words be your partner?

And my humor cause your torn heart to mend.


This life can seem like a dirty thief.

Stealing away from us every good intention…

 We must not show our tears to this evil.

To our disparity give no mention.


 Stop now my love…

Relax and breathe deep.

Know that from here you are loved,

And may God bless you with sweetest sleep….


I love you,

and in loving memory of Philip.

May you live the long and happy life he cannot.


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