Archive for the Veritas et Aeuqtias Category


Posted in Elliana Trinity, jt, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2013 by norcaliluv

She sings for me,

Like summer rains on a dry land.

She smiles at me,

And takes my heart in her hand.


I see light, I see love

I see the Truth in her eyes

I saw hope, when I saw you

Every moment till we said goodbye.


She sings to me

To say it’s been so sad

She redeems in me

Every things they called “bad”


I see light, I see love

In revolution coloured eyes

I felt time,  prayed for calm

On sweetest forgiveness I relies.




My Dearest Elliana,

My words are powerless to express the brilliance of the flame you command in my heart. That any reader may know the words above born on no cheap sentiment.  Rather true treasure born across the darkest and most barren sea never sailed….. For one fell and leaving such beauty for an unjust and painful eternity. Seeing clearly; as it should, clarifies and resolves firstly, personal guilt. I therefore bearing no lack of culpability, sentence myself to life without parole. To be by your side baby, every moment that you wish and need until there is no life in me. It kills me to see you confused with regard to your self-worth my love. The whole  world comes to life when I look at you! I rely; as life requires water I depend on your sweet forgiveness and mercy.  It was such a sweet suffering to see you! Sweet because to me you are every good and beautiful expression of the Divine. Then painful to think how lonely you have been and so so brave against all odds. Yet I hope you soon forget our separation Elliana.  I on the other hand must NEVER forget it, having nothing of good in this life were I to fail you at love… You will be here soon..!


Lord… When were you imprisoned and I didn’t visit you?

Posted in jt, monolog, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2013 by norcaliluv

I was excited today to launch a FB page for a close friend who is paying a toll to the injustice system. So many times we forget our suffering fellows and it is hard with all the distractions to remember those separate from us and how they suffer. The page is meant to make if easy for all those who would not for what ever reason take the time to sit down and write to him. How much time do we spend in front of this thing??? Do this! For your friend or family member kept away from you. Let them know that they are loved and maybe when they get home we can keep them. Divine, powerful, intentional yet unconditional love is the ONLY way we will have healing. Young people; you need no title or recognition. Do what I know is in your hearts and heal, love and minister to one another. Your elders are become cold in heart and blindly critical. Don’t you dare grow up! For it is Christ Himself who has said. “Unless you become like a child you cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Not childish but innocent and always willing and eager to learn new things. Don’t get right get love.


Search FB for A student and Novice I post there things not posted here….

Softly Possessed by Love

Posted in Elliana Trinity, jt, monolog, Uncategorized, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2013 by norcaliluv

I am in the storm and they fall to me like Noah’s flood inside and out. The tears produced in my life pressed by righteous indignation then by murder then death pressed inward. I had believed a lie, so long I tuned to cowards and frauds to show me the way. Those possessed of anything but love. Love that makes no condition? Ok, ok not perfect right..? Sooo many of them, you pack of donkeys!? Back on task…. The tears flow like now when these wicked things are pressed through my feeble understanding and I fight to win and then to lose, and it hurts. My heart pounds with the rage of a thousand warriors, then with the Love of Christ. This raw and pure thing brought before professors of information has yielded  upon my heart many scars. Often, as it is now my heart threatens and nags. Declaring a resignation is imminent. But knowing, that KNOWING is of central ‘matrix’ level importance, I embrace it without vengeance. For any man to be at odds with another is the philosophy of halflings and unconscious giants. I have no enemies I only refuse to be dominated by blind men and only blind men think they need to butt in and dominate in the affairs of others. I already confessed believed a lie and now as always share some level of blindness. Just not blind enough to try to control your situation declaring how I see better than you, act better than you, moralize your situation as the “leaders” of Christs time assessing by whose sin was hung the mans infirmity. I pray that I would lay down my life if you asked and I cannot allow victims be made in my presence. Then I will not butt into your sorrows as if you would be cool if you saw it like me. For me I am indomitable and this “lack of drive” you thought me possessed of……. Maybe bad things would have happened if I was as focused as I am now had I not begun in sincerity this quelling of the inner passions. Now I thinly smile and my body is racked with pain. My joints like rust fused steel. My head finds some small peace in hope filled reggae tunes. My soul aching from retching out wickedness and hate unlike Christ who was filled with sorrow for His betrayer. I see that unlike wheat we must submit to be crushed. So submit to your personal delusions they may be crushing out a healing perfume from within. Maybe you are only tending the seed for this strong tree destined to shade the weary and having deep roots a life of adversity and the fullest earthly compassion my Creator has my breath at His disposal in the protection of those weaker than I. The children will climb on these branches of my heart and if God so chooses to sustain me here as they grow. They can climb back in no matter age nor position and find shelter and only guidance requested. Am I delusional and self-possessed? I have been under the gun, on the run and in parole hearings near since birth I myself not unnaturally possessed of any truly violent or manipulative patterns or behaviors. I ( a very soft, loving and warm soul) have been by been pressed on all sides by Gods providence and though being pressed the mystery takes me higher. To all the haters and most especially mine, hate on, that the fire of injustice can burn away my injustice, my passion run wild and all delusion and imperfection. You know in the end my friends and you are all thus, we will equally understand. Then understanding we will weep. Then weeping we will laugh. Every morsel of the tiniest bit of separation must be removed. No God that I know or serve can in any way be petty enough to save Ben then send Ven to hell for not for not spelling it right. Somehow through mens lack of consciousness he forgot that the traditions sprang from a powerful mystical encounter and could on no way be twisted into a cage in which bind tender and humble souls. (As the arrogant ones have done here to the humble and beautiful native cultures in Northern California.) It is only lack of understanding that causes so many divisions and our enemy ancient and wise delights in leveraging illusion and misunderstanding to divide Gods perfect creation. So now ragged and weak I try and rest…. Softly and I pray irreversibly possessed by love.


Just a bit of my perspective….

Posted in jt, monolog, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2013 by norcaliluv

At eight years of age I was baptised at Sacred Heart Church in Anderson, California. I was attending the private school there with the financial help of my grandpa and grandma. I remember being so excited to be able to learn about God in school. This turned out to be a mistake and to suffices to say that I was utterly rejected by “the people of God”. Later in my teenage years I attended protestant churches being constantly assured that I needed to “get right”. Then later and during my 3 years and 8 months in youth prison ( California Youth Authority or CYA) I practiced Buddhism, martial arts, male hula, and served in a military program at N.A. Chaderjian called simply the Cadets. I also attended some courses from the private school UOP in Stockton and read cool stuff like “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran. I can in no way sumarize the variety of types I was around for those years. After my release from CYA and during the first part of my marriage I attended Bethel Church in Redding, CA a very popular “renewal church”. I also attended some of their first School of Ministry courses. I am now an Orthodox Christian and know I spend the rest of my life in conversion ever reaching for, ever incapable of loves boundless selflessness. For the Christian at least, there is nothing to compare with Orthodoxy in the purity of its transmission of grace from then to now. Ive been diluted and ill-informed, rejected and judged, belittled and mocked by ALL of these groups. So I would encourage you fellow traveler and strugglers, let us keep our gaze upward from whence comes our help and every good thing. All men fail so pathetically to perform love. But then draw close then to one who though he sins he weeps and cries.  To God and his brothers here in humility for forgiveness. God has not given us the power to truly see into the mystery of guilt and innocence in the heart of another. Virtue is PURELY an INSIDE job and any moral rightness applied outside oneself is plain wickedness and is why God has said; “Judge not and thou shall not be judged!” One big reason I believe governments and police are unnatural and harmful. If God is good what can he do or create that is bad?  Only through our misunderstanding or ignorance are “evils” committed in this world. The wickedness of religious groups is fueled by the unnatural anxiety of being right or wrong. This in my mind is related very easily to the fall of man when were separated from the Truth, and grew then to fear deception. It really shows when so called christians go out in joy to dominate anthers intellects and and reveal their “sins”.  Say this magic prayer and all is well, your ticket to heaven is in the mail. THen it then comes with a guarantee that this dollar store salvation cannot be lost….. WAKE UP! You moralize the people with your cheap smokescreen of virtues and so become like the pharisee a white washed tomb. Gaining the Virtues is like going to the gym to bulk up. You never own the virtue you merely tend to it and exercise it or it is unnoticeable and of no effect in your journey. Men who claim to posses them, only declare their ignorance of them. No man is just good! We only struggle together towards it. Only God is without any form of incompleteness. We fully need Him and it seems, we mostly learn good things from each other “by accident” having no love and little respect for each other.

(to be continued.. Helping with a friends B-Day party)

I launch an all out assault on division, judgment and hatred among all men……..

The Revolution is within, pay attention to the war inside and become indomitable from without!

Wake from the Nightmare

Posted in jt, Uncategorized, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2013 by norcaliluv


In my life I have found that ANY so-called “knowledge” that inspires fear is flawed and should be discarded. Fear can be healthy only as applies when one is ignorant of something. All true knowledge should empower and if that knowledge in some way criticizes, it happens within. So if you are taught to fear I humbly suggest looking for knowledge where there is peace and not anxiety..

blessings to you all.


this is great!!!

Cowardly Me?

Posted in jt, monolog, Uncategorized, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2013 by norcaliluv

The only cowards that I see, are men presumptuous enough to label other men cowards. A crime I observe and commit enough to see it’s horrible effects. Stop it! ALL of creation is good. Yet I still fight….? I too fight an illusion. I am no teacher to sermonize from on high. I wear my singlet and report to the mat of life. I wrestle the unknown and he pins me again and again. Paul Trout a world class chef, my friend and at one time my sons wrestling coach, presented this concept to the young men.. The sport of wrestling is one that requires a certain amount of character in which you can bravely confront your fears. Therefore, whether they win them all or lose them all, the boys that step out onto that mat till the end are worthy of recognition. So pin me. I fear not the weak judgment of other men. As a child I trust that there is too much out there for me to know. No one is completely right…. But if you look and see the fruit of peace, this tree has strong immovable and ancient roots. Draw from that one and cease drawing “wisdom” from men bent on violence. One who understands really can have no hatred or aggression as you and I. If we close our eye and ears to the deeds of others our true vision can regain its focus.



Why do men of intelligence suffer so with no sure remedy?

Posted in jt, monolog, Uncategorized, Veritas et Aeuqtias on March 27, 2013 by norcaliluv


We claim to be men of  “Science and Reason”… Yet we make paper thin laws with which we label and judge. Most tragic we lock men, beings of Divine origin in asylums and jails, destroying and snuffing out divine potential. (I will only later in detail expose how feeble your “moral” farce.) We do this all based upon  a sense or rather an illusion that we can actually determine the true guilt or innocence of another soul.! An acknowledgment of the complexity of ones own soul should be enough to expose the cheapness of this “science”. Science I was told, is to be practiced by people who loved knowledge, but it seems more to me to be a love of apparent rightness really.  You cannot live within another souls existence.  Feel it’s shame and pride, nor bear it’s injustices. Therefore how can a rational man claim to make a righteous judgment about things he cannot see?! Especially with modern mans understandable distrust of all things unseen… This my friends is the ILLUSION on which every society is built.  All of creation is good and any apparent defect or accusation comes from outside the heart of man and can in no way come from the Divine.  A perfect circle of destruction, the more we accuse the more guilty we become.

We my friends can cease with the tragedy of externalizing our ideals. With our ideals projected on a world ruled by deception we lose hope and give in to our wickedness. Wars, crimes and sickness…. A problem you can not have unless we are deceived and defensive.  There really is nothing to attack, only love to be learned.


I aint right. Im just real…..


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