Archive for the Elliana Trinity Category

SHE

Posted in Elliana Trinity, jt, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2013 by norcaliluv

She sings for me,

Like summer rains on a dry land.

She smiles at me,

And takes my heart in her hand.

~~

I see light, I see love

I see the Truth in her eyes

I saw hope, when I saw you

Every moment till we said goodbye.

~~

She sings to me

To say it’s been so sad

She redeems in me

Every things they called “bad”

~~

I see light, I see love

In revolution coloured eyes

I felt time,  prayed for calm

On sweetest forgiveness I relies.

onelove

onelove

__________________________

My Dearest Elliana,

My words are powerless to express the brilliance of the flame you command in my heart. That any reader may know the words above born on no cheap sentiment.  Rather true treasure born across the darkest and most barren sea never sailed….. For one fell and leaving such beauty for an unjust and painful eternity. Seeing clearly; as it should, clarifies and resolves firstly, personal guilt. I therefore bearing no lack of culpability, sentence myself to life without parole. To be by your side baby, every moment that you wish and need until there is no life in me. It kills me to see you confused with regard to your self-worth my love. The whole  world comes to life when I look at you! I rely; as life requires water I depend on your sweet forgiveness and mercy.  It was such a sweet suffering to see you! Sweet because to me you are every good and beautiful expression of the Divine. Then painful to think how lonely you have been and so so brave against all odds. Yet I hope you soon forget our separation Elliana.  I on the other hand must NEVER forget it, having nothing of good in this life were I to fail you at love… You will be here soon..!

Daddy

Advertisements

Softly Possessed by Love

Posted in Elliana Trinity, jt, monolog, Uncategorized, Veritas et Aeuqtias with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2013 by norcaliluv

I am in the storm and they fall to me like Noah’s flood inside and out. The tears produced in my life pressed by righteous indignation then by murder then death pressed inward. I had believed a lie, so long I tuned to cowards and frauds to show me the way. Those possessed of anything but love. Love that makes no condition? Ok, ok not perfect right..? Sooo many of them, you pack of donkeys!? Back on task…. The tears flow like now when these wicked things are pressed through my feeble understanding and I fight to win and then to lose, and it hurts. My heart pounds with the rage of a thousand warriors, then with the Love of Christ. This raw and pure thing brought before professors of information has yielded  upon my heart many scars. Often, as it is now my heart threatens and nags. Declaring a resignation is imminent. But knowing, that KNOWING is of central ‘matrix’ level importance, I embrace it without vengeance. For any man to be at odds with another is the philosophy of halflings and unconscious giants. I have no enemies I only refuse to be dominated by blind men and only blind men think they need to butt in and dominate in the affairs of others. I already confessed believed a lie and now as always share some level of blindness. Just not blind enough to try to control your situation declaring how I see better than you, act better than you, moralize your situation as the “leaders” of Christs time assessing by whose sin was hung the mans infirmity. I pray that I would lay down my life if you asked and I cannot allow victims be made in my presence. Then I will not butt into your sorrows as if you would be cool if you saw it like me. For me I am indomitable and this “lack of drive” you thought me possessed of……. Maybe bad things would have happened if I was as focused as I am now had I not begun in sincerity this quelling of the inner passions. Now I thinly smile and my body is racked with pain. My joints like rust fused steel. My head finds some small peace in hope filled reggae tunes. My soul aching from retching out wickedness and hate unlike Christ who was filled with sorrow for His betrayer. I see that unlike wheat we must submit to be crushed. So submit to your personal delusions they may be crushing out a healing perfume from within. Maybe you are only tending the seed for this strong tree destined to shade the weary and having deep roots a life of adversity and the fullest earthly compassion my Creator has my breath at His disposal in the protection of those weaker than I. The children will climb on these branches of my heart and if God so chooses to sustain me here as they grow. They can climb back in no matter age nor position and find shelter and only guidance requested. Am I delusional and self-possessed? I have been under the gun, on the run and in parole hearings near since birth I myself not unnaturally possessed of any truly violent or manipulative patterns or behaviors. I ( a very soft, loving and warm soul) have been by been pressed on all sides by Gods providence and though being pressed the mystery takes me higher. To all the haters and most especially mine, hate on, that the fire of injustice can burn away my injustice, my passion run wild and all delusion and imperfection. You know in the end my friends and you are all thus, we will equally understand. Then understanding we will weep. Then weeping we will laugh. Every morsel of the tiniest bit of separation must be removed. No God that I know or serve can in any way be petty enough to save Ben then send Ven to hell for not for not spelling it right. Somehow through mens lack of consciousness he forgot that the traditions sprang from a powerful mystical encounter and could on no way be twisted into a cage in which bind tender and humble souls. (As the arrogant ones have done here to the humble and beautiful native cultures in Northern California.) It is only lack of understanding that causes so many divisions and our enemy ancient and wise delights in leveraging illusion and misunderstanding to divide Gods perfect creation. So now ragged and weak I try and rest…. Softly and I pray irreversibly possessed by love.

jt

I MISSSS MY GIRL….

Posted in Elliana Trinity, jt on July 17, 2010 by norcaliluv

My reason for life!

Daddys princess

There was a time not too long ago that my every morning had the squeaks and groans of a little girl trying to stretch her way into the land of the living.  From the moment I first laid eyes on her and then held her, my heart has been jealous for her.  For a year now I have, for the most part been absent from her life.  Wallowing in self-pity, swiftly traveling towards hell and hoping for an early death.  I hope and pray that I am done, with this madness.  I cannot even see her picture without tears filling the corners of my eyes……..  So to you my precious little one.  You should know that I am on my way yet again.  You deserve a much better father than I, but I am what you have.  We will be together again, though I don’t know when I hope for soon.  Please know that I think of you often and though many times these thoughts bring tears.  I cry because I miss the joy and fullness you bring to my life.  I’m your daddy and I belong by your side and you belong in MY arms, safe and secure….  Noodle, you are my reason to live, you are the best thing that my life has produced by far…  So keep your chin up, and never, never forget that your daddy loves you.  I’m gonna grab these boot straps and prove it to you and me.  Elliana Trinity Saldana I LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

jt  a.k.a. daddy

Lifes sweetness…

Posted in Elliana Trinity, jt with tags , , , , on February 5, 2010 by norcaliluv

My reason for life!

Daddys princess

    

I wish my friend I could explain….    

by Jason T Saldana    

In the brightest time of my life A princess came to me…                                  Bourne on the beauty of another Hers was beauty uncommon and a joy to see..    

There is nothing that can match the joy As her lil heart beats next to mine… In a world without her I could nay imagne the moon would glow or the sun retain its shine.    

I smile as I remember times I’d wake, With those pretty pink toe in my face… Times we’ve spent in search of bugs, lay in the grass, and stared into space…    

I wish my friend I could explain, The feelings that live here in my heart..  While alive, with my life, blood and freedom I will allow nothing to harm….    

Dear Elli I love you. There has been no greater day than the one I first held you. As you have grown so fast, there are so many ways have I failed you. I can make no excuse just know my love… That tears stain every path that i have walked without you.. I miss you and love you…Daddy Jason T. Saldana W/ pain of heart    

1/11/10

%d bloggers like this: