Why do I love her so..?

   I sometimes sit and wonder why I love her so much. She has made no commitment to me, nor has she fully opened her heart to me. I don’t even think she knows me. (as I wish to be known)…. She is the honest soul with which I want to bond yet can live without. Sexy as she may be, when I see her I am jealous for her attention and not her body. I feel at peace with her, quiet and secure. But this strange love has never borne fruit. With the exception of one moment of a spontaneous lusty advance, when I am with her, her soul alone is my focus. She respects my knowledge and loves my writing. Though I long to have her always by my side, sharing each moment. She is hardly around to share her moments with me. They are shared with others most of the time. I want to understand, I want to share my life. Even though we have never had a romantic relationship. I still love her deeply and am not hurt by her “rejection”. Inside I smile knowing that my love is here. I fail on many levels every second of the day, but the one who would love me will find that my love is to die for. I only hope that my dear friend finds what it is she is looking for….. She has not really laid this out clearly. I want to see her happy and smiling everyday, refusing to let the end of her life find her unfulfilled. My dearest friend, I cannot fully understand why I love you so much. Just know that I do. Go find him. Find him and love him like your favorite sin. You must trust and you must move forward. You watched as one you love didn’t have the strength, to make their ending different. You still have today. I will be by your side or cheering in the back somewhere. I will fail you also, as will the man you choose to love. It is the human condition. I will hopefully have the strength to help the hurting around me. I want to love and to cry. To sit with and smile at the lonely. I hope that the things I write bring comfort, education, and hope. And I hope I inspire you to love again, my dearest friend Marie….

Come and soak the wounds of this life

In the oil of my understanding, friend.

May at least my words be your partner?

And my humor cause your torn heart to mend.


This life can seem like a dirty thief.

Stealing away from us every good intention…

 We must not show our tears to this evil.

To our disparity give no mention.


 Stop now my love…

Relax and breathe deep.

Know that from here you are loved,

And may God bless you with sweetest sleep….


I love you,

and in loving memory of Philip.

May you live the long and happy life he cannot.



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