First Draft Preface


 Preface (rough)

            My grandmother and I could not be outwardly more different than we are.  But I challenge any man to find two souls more alike. Lately I have been thinking back and realizing that it is a small group of memories that made such a profound impact on my little soul.  I do not remember day after day with her.  I remember tiny little snippets.  Yet I love and adore her more that any soul born of man.  If her wonderful life is to have the impact on this lonely world that it should, I will have to be brave and totally transparent before you all.  Helen held no grudge, and she was great because she knew that she wasn’t.  I have come to learn there is nothing more attractive than self-knowledge.  A person who actively assesses the condition of their soul and there by is made humble in self-knowledge.   This is to me the essence of true beauty. 

            As you will later learn, she was taken to be with the Lord less than a month before my release from California Youth Authority.  I was at the end of a 3 year 8 month stay and I could not wait to see her.  I had so many questions, I was so ready to bask in her love and wisdom.  I want to be angry at God but I know this would displease her.  So even now as I can hardly see past the tears I really am at peace with it…

            Now at this stage in my life, it is time for me to reveal her to you. Here on these pages I will give you the story of a saint and her foolish but passionate grandson. As I write this I am in the middle of a divorce and recovering from a self inflicted gunshot wound to the leg. ( Aren’t you glad this book is not on gun safety.)  I have failed and cried more in recent months than anyone should have to in a lifetime.  I am not sorry.  Nor do I seek empathy.   I despise the falseness and blatant hypocrisy of this world and in myself. Helen’s life is a slap in the face to the mere image of righteousness.   Because she knew herself honestly she lived a life free of fear and complexity.  At this point I have not fully read the autobiography that she left for us.  I will read it as I write my own.

            If you seek a safe place.  A place where you are fully known and loved. You will be at home with this wonderful woman.  I myself am much more aggressive and violent in thought and action than this sweet woman.  But as you will see I really do long to love and fellowship with all people.  I am not the caliber of person than Helen Jean Rice Duggan was.  I am honest and real though.  Maybe you can relate to me in my struggle.  I hope so…  I hope this book touches people of all backgrounds.  You are welcome here……..



One Response to “First Draft Preface”

  1. cool. It’s nice that you’re working these feelings out even if you don’t know exactly what to call them. It’s authentic and that’s great.

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